Sunday, January 31, 2016

A True Princess

Once there was a man and he wanted to marry a special kind of woman. He wanted a woman who had a mind of her own and wouldn't just blindly say what she thought he wanted to hear. A woman who had fine and expensive tastes. She would only shop in high-end department stores and would never set foot in a Walmart or  a Target. She would never  be found in the kitchen when she could just as easily order food to be delivered. Of course, her preferred method of dining would be to eat out and only at the finest restaurants. The words fast food would never cross her lips.

The man was a very eligible young bachelor indeed. He was handsome. He was smart. He had plenty of money. He would need plenty of money to support the type of wife he was looking for.

All of the girls in the town who were old enough for marriage wanted to marry the young man. He wanted to take his time and make sure he was choosing the right one. He began lining up dates one at time.  With all of his dates, he went through same ritual to see if the woman was right for him.

First, he would dress up in the most hideous clothes. They weren't made well and they were faded and thin. He had gotten them from some bargain store. When he picked up his dates, they would stare at his clothes for a minute, and then quickly look away. "Do you like my outift?" he would ask eagerly.

"Oh, it's lovely." They would say whether they really liked it or not. The outfit was so dreadful that he didn't know how anyone could like it.

"Where would you like to go to eat?" he would asked but before a woman could answer he would exclaim as though he had just thought of it. "I know! Let's go to my house, and I will cook you one of my gourmet burgers!"

"Okay.'" The woman would reply eagerly.

He would bring her to his house and sit her in his dining room  uncomfortable chair with hardly any cushioning. Then, he would disappear into his kitchen to prepare the meal while she waited. "The recipe is a family secret passed down from generation to generation." he would explain as he would go into the kitchen and shut the adjoining door.

Then, after he had hung around the kitchen for a while doing nothing, He would take a McDonald's burger and put it on a plate and heat it up. He would put it on a  plastic plate, take it out and place it in front of the woman. "I hope you like it." he would say eagerly.

The woman would take a bite. Her eyes would raise a little. "Do you like it?" He would ask hopefully.

"Oh. It's delicious." they would say, and they would force themselves to eat every bite.

The end of every date would be the same as well. The man would be very disappointed that the woman was not the right one for him. He would promise to call, but he never would. He would just move on to the next one.

One day a new woman moved to town. The young man quickly made her acquaintance and asked her out on a date. At first, she played hard to get but then finally she agreed to go out with him. When he picked her up for their date she took one look at his clothes and declared "You call that an outfit? Where did you get that the sales rack at Sears?"

The man smiled but refused to let his hopes get up. "Why, yes I did." he replied.

"You ought to let me take you shopping." suggested the woman. "I'll show you how to dress have you been to Lord & Taylor or Saks Fifth Avenue?"When the man pretended as though he had never heard of those stores, the woman replied "Well, you ought to."

The man smiled even brighter, but he didn't reply. Inside, his heart was beating rapidly with excitement. Could this woman really be the one - the woman of his dreams?

When  the man whipped  out one of his alleged gourmet burgers and put it in front of her, at first she just stared at the cheap ugly plastic  plate. "Another bargain purchase?" she inquired. "Oh, honey. You really need help shopping." she declared as she quickly shifted uncomfortably in her scarcely padded seat.

The woman took a bite of her burger. She quickly spit it out. "Gourmet burger, my foot!" she shouted. "Secret family recipe?" she mumbled shaking her head. What is this fast food?" she asked. "I bet this tastes like a  burger a person could get at McDonald's." She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

The man's heart overflowed with joy. He knew she was the woman for him. She was a true princess. He quickly knelt by her side. "Will you marry me?" he asked happily taking out the diamond ring he always carried in his pocket hopefully.

The woman stared at the ring for a minute. It was big and beautiful and shined like the sun. However, she couldn't see herself forever stuck with a man such as this. He had too much to learn, and she wanted a man who was already trained and prepared to share the finer life with her. "I'm sorry." she replied apologetically. "You're just not the man for me."

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